Feeling depressed and low the last couple of days

So a day after work something hit me and felt really down and stressed. I didn't feel too bad at work just a bit anxious but I think spending 2 days not sleeping didn't help and I was very emotional and ended up crying a lot and feeling kind of helpless. I'm oing over to my mum and dads today so hopefully that might help and I've got an  appointment  with my GP tomorrow so I guess we'll go from there.

Pretty anxious the day after going back to work

So yesterday I completed my first day at work in 6 weeks and it was quite a long 10hr shift! And today I am left feeling quite anxious and a bit of an odd feeling, plus I had a really bad nights sleep. Hopefully as the day goes on I feel better.

Is this the end?

My 6 weeks off work has been one hell of a ride that's for sure! Lots of ups and Downs and at times i thought i was never going to get through it but think I'm on the road to recovery and it feels like I'm starting fresh as I'm back to work tomorrow.

The anxiety is still there but I have just got to accept it like I have been doing and move on..... the journey continues!

Update from the last few days

So the last week has been a bit hit or miss, I was starting to feel good but I think the fear of going back to work is getting to me and not sleeping great is also getting to me a bit too. I've been getting out and about but the anxiety levels in the day time have risen when they were getting a lot better.

On the flip side I have some CBT via the phone tonight so it will be good to talk to someone who understands about anxiety so I will post an update to let you know how I got on!

Got my balance test today

Im up the hospital today for a balance test about my vertigo and im a bit nervous as the test can bring on vertigo but im kinda hoping it will so then i know what it is!

An odd day

So today started off quite bad with lots of anxiety about my meeting at work but now turns out i dont need to go to it. Then there was worry about bot sleeping enough but now im like "if i dont sleep enough... So be it" im not going to worry myself stupid over it considering ive done really well recovering in the last two weeks

Well tomorrow is another day and it will be a goid one!

More lack of sleep and Ambiscience didn't really work

So I was quite optimistic about the new Pure Sleep app I got to help induce deep sleep but after an hour and a half it didn't actually do anything, I had better luck going off to sleep with Jon Kabat-Zinn - Guided Mindfulness Meditation so I think I'll do that again tonight.

I've also switched the Sertraline to mornings again in the hope that it will help with sleeping, even though taking it at 6pm hasn't seem to had any effect on sleep in the last 2 or 3 weeks.

AmbiScience - Pure Sleep

There is a great app you can purchase for little over £1 for iPhone and Android called AmbiScience: Pure Sleep. In a nut shell, when we sleep we go through several stages of sleep and our brain creates brain waves, for example... if we are in a deep sleep our brain has activated delta waves or when we drift off to sleep and enter stage 1 of our sleep cycle we create theta waves etc.... So where's this going? Well, it can be hard for us to fall a sleep and that's where AmbiScience: Pure Sleep comes in. The app for Android and iPhone offers gentle effects such as chimes and rain with sleepy ambient music, you'll also get the option to recreate your brain waves at certain stages of your sleep cycle to help you sleep. I could select Deep Sleep mode which will create delta waves which in turn will help me to quickly enter a deep sleep, something that a lot of us with anxiety and sleeping issues probably don't get that much off.

For the price I'd highly recommend you check it out as I am going to tonight.

Insomnia sets in and meditation update

Well the last few nights I have seemed to caught the insomnia bug, I seem to fall a sleep but wake around 3-4am and then cannot get back to sleep! Today I have been mega tired but I am  positive  that I am going to get a great nights sleep tonight!

Any way, before going to sleep last night I listened to Jon Kabat-Zinn - Guided Mindfulness Meditation, the Body Scan CD and it really helped to relax me, I'd urge you to try it out if you haven't already it was brilliant stuff!

An anxious day and rough night

SO yesterday my anxiety levels were quite high for most of the day but had a great evening! The only problem was the fact that I didn't sleep very well, it felt like I had been awake all night but I must have gone to sleep because I remember dreaming but I'm not sure how much sleep I actually had. Today this was worrying me as I always sleep really well, what doesn't help is that I need to go to the toilet in the middle of the night then I go back to bed and can't get back to sleep.

I'm not gonna obsess over  sleeping, I'll just try and relax and clear my mind, I'm going to try the meditation tonight so hopefully that works!

Feeling anxious today

So yesterday went quite well, though had a few odd moments but towards the evening everything seemed ok.

Today I woke up at 4am but I am not sure if I went back to sleep, it didn't seem like it! Later today I am going over my mums and feel quite anxious about which I think is because I have been there when I was at my worst so it kind of brings back old feelings. Hopefully they should go so I can enjoy my weekend.

A good day yesterday

So yesterday was probably the best day I have had in weeks! I felt quite calm and relaxed all day but in the afternoon I had a slight vertigo attack which freaked me out but apart from that it was a good day. Th en early evening around 5pm I had a call from the IAPT service about some CBT which for some reason made me feel a little anxious which I think was due hinking about talking about my anxiety. They wanted to do CBT via the phone which I am up for but I'd prefer to speak to someone face-to-face.

I think my appetite is slowly coming back but it's nowhere near as big as it used to be which I'm not too bothered about, I'm just glad I am eating more regular.

Relaxing today

Woke this morning with the usual feelings then walked up to the shop to get some fresh air and do other stuff, I had a few anxious feelings standing in the shop but they mostly passed quite quickly. The feelings were mainly feeling uneasy and a little unbalanced but I'm not really sure what I was anxious about. Got back home and had a shower so now today I'm just gonna relax and do some house work later.

Not an amazing day

Today has been a bit weird. My heads been on a different planet all day and the trip to town made me fairly anxious. We ended up going to the park and at times I thought "need to get home now" but tried to ask myself why? But all I kept thinking about was feeling weird and "how long is it going to last for?"

It's now 6pm and I don't feel too bad, though not as relaxed as usual in the evening so I think I'll write today off as a bad day and start a fresh tomorrow.

Mornings are gross

Wow. I really hate mornings! My anxiety is at it's worst and feel really disconnected and out of it, and my stomach feels so sick and my legs and hands feel a bit shaky, plus the horrible gagging really tops it off. Sometimes I wish I could crawl back in to bed but I don't I just try and battle on.

I'm going to town today so hopefully it's gonna be a good day, just gonna keep on thinking good thoughts.

Trying some mindful meditation

I recently learnt about Mindful Meditation and from what I have read on an Anxiety Forum (No More Panic) a number of people have had some success with it. I managed to get Jon Kabat-Zinn - Guided Mindfulness Meditation and had a flick though the CDs and it seems pretty good, hopefully it helps. I'm hoping to try it out tonight if not then it will be this weekend.

What is Mindful Meditation?


Mindfulness is a type of meditation that essentially involves focusing on your mind on the present. To be mindful is to be aware of your thoughts and actions in the present, without judging yourself.Research suggests that mindfulness meditation may improve mood, decrease stress, and boost immune function.


http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditation.htm

Things that make me feel better

If you, like me are full of negative and anxious thoughts at times you should try and focus/think about things you enjoy doing and are able to do. Mine are:

Bathing my son of an evening - I think is because it's getting towards his bed time and after he goes to sleep I can get the evening to relax.

Being with family - I look forward to being with family as they are my "safe people", it makes me feel a little more safer and relaxed.

Relaxing in bed - Once the day is done I like to watch TV in and/or use the laptop to take my mind off things.

Doing housework - Yes it's is boring but when little one has finished making a mess cleaning up takes my mind off things, plus it takes a little while to get things straight so it's a good way to fill an hour or so.

I cannot think of anything else but thinking about doing these things/actually doing them help take the edge off a little.

Mornings seem to be the worst

I tend to wake up about 5-6am then cannot get back to sleep. I always seem to dread the mornings because my anxiety is at it's worst. As soon as I wake my stomach feels sick and thoughts go whizzing around my head, at the moment it's the worry about going back to work, I always find something to worry about. When I do actually get up I gag like mad almost being sick and my head feels quite disconnected and dizzy which makes my stomach churn.

I spose I dread the mornings as it's like "ok here we go again, another day of anxiety". The Sertraline has helped but I just need to be able to combat these negative thoughts about being dizzy, I've had vertigo like spinning on and off since 2003 and I dunno why it bothers me now! I try to think "if it happens it will pass" but then I feel the fear again and it keeps on worrying me. I must try and find away to confront it.

Any way, today I am going to have a lazy day and just spend some time chilling out as it's to wet and cold to do much today.

Yesterday was a 50/50 day

So I went out yesterday and felt a bit unbalanced most of the day. It's weird because I know I wasn't dizzy but my mind was telling me I was, I think the fear of a vertigo attack. I got home about 4:30/5pm and had dinner then sat in bed from 6pm just chilling out.

Bit of an anxious day today

So far today I have been fairly anxious, probably 5/10 on the anxiety scale and my hand and legs feel like they have the internal shakes, kinda like a mobile phone vibrating in your pocket. I'm not sure if it's the anxiety or the Sertraline but I've been on that for about 3 weeks no.

Hopefully this passes and I'm going to head out for a bit later for some fresh air and to be around other people.

My fears and Worries

We all have them but I thought I'd share a few of mine.

Vertigo attacks: I get a spinning sensation from time to time and it puts me in major panic mode, I tend to dread these.

General Dizziness: I do not like the feeling of being unbalanced

Derealisation: Feeling like your living in a dream, the world seems different like your not here

Fear of going back to work: My stomach churns at the thought of going back to work, I think it's to do with having a panic attack/vertigo attack and not having anyone there to help me.

Feeling scared: That feeling you get that something bad is going to happen, it comes out of nowhere and I try to question why.

Derealisation

I think a lot of us have felt like we are disconnected from the world and mine tends to be at it's worst in the morning. Today I woke feeling very odd and disconnected, usually it passes after a while and comes back later in the day.

My anxiety also seems higher when I wake in the morning and my stomach feels so sick. I start to search for worries when I wake about about 5-6am and it's so annoying because I used to love sleeping in. My heart races and my legs feel a little shaky. I'm gonna try and be active today and get out for walks, hopefully I have a good day!

The trip to town

So we went to town today and felt a little dizzy waiting for the bus, then when we got in to town I felt a little uneasy like something was going to happen, maybe a vertigo attack or panic attack but I braved it through! I kept thinking about relaxing and chilling out in the evening and those thoughts helped.

Tonight I am on my own and felt a bit anxious just in case I passed out for some reason or had a vertigo attack so I came to bed early with my son and decided to watch TV and play on the laptop.

So far today has been ok, on a scale of 1-10 I'd say overall it was a 6.

Had a good day yesterday, not sure about today though

I spent yesterday chilling out at home and had a few anxious moments but seemed to be able to brush them off which was great! I think it's the best day I have had in the last few weeks.

Today I woke up quite anxious thinking about work and going to town, I am half tempted to stay at home today but I know I must face the anxiety/panic and I think I'd feel better for getting out and getting some fresh air. At the moment I feel a bit dizzy and sick thinking about it but I think I'm just gonna bite the bullet and just do it! I'll be thinking how great it will be being at home to night just chilling out so I'll get you posted to see how I get on!

An Anxious Train Ride....

So yesterday morning at about 6:30 am I had a text from my dad which nearly made me sick. My mum was taken in to hospital with a lung infection and pneumonia, I was so scared! Later that morning I went to get train to meet my sister but I was too busy with anxious thoughts I missed my train and had to wait another hour on the platform for another train. My anxiety levels rose "Oh my God, what happens if I have a panic attack, what happens if I have a vertigo attack, nobody is here to help me!!" I started to think of good feelings about being with my mum and sister, being at home at night time with my son and girlfriend just chilling out and it helped to calm me down.

I got back home around 8:30 and had a little cry, I think I was overwhelmed with the anxiety and seeing my mum ill.

It's weird and horrible how these irrational thoughts just take over us, they get us in a state of panic and we fear everything. It's hard to rationalise sometimes but I guess we have to force ourselves to do it.

I hopefully have some CBT coming my way soon and hopefully it helps, but for today I am spending the day at home chilling out! I have a few anxious moments but I am trying to keep my mind focused on other things.

Worrying about work

As soon as I woke this morning I started to worry about work, I think I get anxious about it in case I have another vertigo attack there, I feel like there would be nobody to help me, even writing this I am starting to feel anxious. I could do with another couple of weeks off to try and get myself prepared for it instead of just ignoring the thoughts of work I should confront them, but that raises my anxiety levels so I try not to think about it.

In The Beginning.....

I started to suffer with panic attacks and anxiety in about 2003, I didn't use any medication as I was scared of the side effects so had some counselling instead which really worked after I saw the 2nd person. I had 6 free sessions and it really helped a lot, my anxiety was 99% cured, though I still used to get a bit anxious when going to new places or with new people but I just did it and I had been happy ever since!

Then in the later part of 2011 I started to get anxiety over work and then my vertigo attacks started to become more frequent which sent me over the top and have a major panic attack and went to A&E. For a week or two  after I was left shaking, feeling sick, fidgety to the point where I could not sit down for 5 minutes without pacing up and down, and of course diarrhoea every morning I woke between 5-6am!

About 18 days I got put on Sertraline which has helped but still get very anxious in the morning and fear that I am going to have another vertigo attack. At the moment it's kinda living each day as it comes so let's see what the future holds!